Parenting Solo

Choosing the right college

(This column was first published October 16, 2004 in the Oakland Tribune.)

'SO MATT, what did you like about Arizona State University?"

"Nothing. I hated it. I don't want to go here. I liked everything about the University of Arizona better," my 17-year-old son said.

We had just finished a two-hour tour of the ASU campus in Tempe last month. Correction -- he did like one thing: the food court at the student union.

"Dad, you just put money on my credit card every month, and I can eat all I want." Taco Bell and Burger King were among the choices. Where are the fruits and vegetables?

Matt is looking for a school at which he can study landscape architecture, possibly play golf and be near my family, which means a college in Arizona.

Just about every college-bound high school student must contemplate such questions. While it's my job to help him get information to make the choice, ultimately, Matt must decide where he will be happiest and most successful.

Right now, he wants to go to the University of Arizona, which is where I went to school. Every father thinks about his son going to his alma mater. You dream of watching the Arizona-ASU football game on TV together every fall. Matt even asked about being a legacy at my fraternity.

Two of his cousins plan to go to school at U of A. Matt toured the U of A campus in April and came back in love with the school.

I want Matt to choose where he wants to go to school. Even though I went to
the U of A, if he wanted to go to ASU, I'd do everything possible to help him.

What is Matt thinking? How much does he tell me? How much influence do I have on him? What if he meets a woman and wants to stay closer to home? What if I don't agree with his college choice? Who decides? Can we afford it? He has until the spring to decide where to apply.

The main issue is finances. The estimated cost is $18,000 a year for out-of-state tuition and expenses and roughly $12,000 if he stayed in state for public schools such as Cal Poly-San Luis Obispo. His mom and I have agreed to split the cost.

How does a single parent pay for even part of the cost? It's tough, and it will mean work on both Matt's and my part. We'll have to apply for scholarships and financial aid. He may have to work part-time. I've started a side business on weekends to help with the expenses. And no, I'm not one of those parents who saved money over the years to pay for college. I rarely have any leeway in my monthly budget for anything other than everyday expenses.

Back at ASU, we saw an academic adviser that afternoon. The adviser had so much useful information for us.

She told us that Matt's chosen field, landscape architecture (golf course designer), entails general studies for two years and then two years in the professional college -- if he's admitted.

It's competitive. Anything less than a 3.25 grade point average and he has no chance. He would have to put in 20 hours a week or so in the lab working on computers and projects.

We left her office with our heads spinning, but now he knows what's expected of him.

Then there are the dreaded SAT's. Matt blew off the first test last spring and didn't score as high as he needs to ensure his acceptance. He's taking the test again next month, and this time he says he's going to study.

Next up is finding a golf-course architect for him to talk to so he knows what to expect from a career standpoint. How much money will he make? How long will he have to work for a company before he can go off on his own? Will he travel a lot?

Sometimes at night, I sneak into his room while he's sleeping and softly whisper Arizona's fight song in his ear. "Bear down, Arizona, Bear down red and blue. Bear down, Arizona, beat the tar out of ASU!"

It's so hard to sing it softly and without horns and cymbals, though.

Writer's note: My how times have changed. This spring, my son is making plans to attend a community college in Phoenix next fall with the intention of enrolling at Arizona State in the fall 2007 semester. I'm happy for him.

Doug Mead has been a single parent for 11 years, and he and Matt live together in the East Bay. You can e-mail him at doug@parentingsolo.com

posted by parentingsolo @ 2:56 PM