Mama was a special friend
(This first appeared in the Oakland Tribune on Nov. 27, 2006)Mama was always my son’s favorite when he was a little boy. Wherever Matthew went, Mama was sure to be with him. Watching TV? Mama was beside him. Riding in the car? Mama was next to him. Sleeping? You could open the door to his bedroom, and he’d have his arm wrapped around Mama.
Over the years, Mama got old quickly. She needed a few stitches to Keep her innards from bursting through her skin. One time, her eye popped off, and we had to run to the store to get a new one and glue it back on. After several years of being carted everywhere, Mama’s once furry skin began balding in places. At one point, I secretly tried to replace Mama but got caught and had to put her back.
By now, you have realized that Mama is not Matthew’s mother. Mama is A stuffed gray bunny rabbit he got when he was about 3 or 4, probably for Easter. After his mother and I divorced when Matthew was 7, Mama was his constant companion. It didn’t matter if he had pajamas that went back and forth between our houses. The only thing that mattered was whether Mama was in tow. I can remember doubling back to my house to pick up Mama so that he would have her at his mother’s house after the drop-off. I knew he could not bear the thought of being without Mama.
Mama was to Matthew what the blanket was to Linus in Peanuts. She couldcomfort Matthew in a way that neither his mother nor I could during those rough times. No doubt, he cried on Mama’s soft skin dozens, if not hundreds, of times. Mama was always there for Matthew. For several years, she was his best friend. He needed something to take back and forth between our houses.
When it came time to retire Mama, I made sure she stayed at my house. I did not want her to end up in the junk yard, though the thought of her being picked up by some hungry, cold child was appealing.
Some day, I’ll pull her out and reminisce with Matt, as he’s now called at age 18. It’s been several years since he’s thought about her, I’m sure. I wonder, what kind of memories will he have of her? Will they be happy? Or dark? Is there some secret in her stuffed head that his mother and I are not privvy to? Possibly. I can assure you that over the years, Mama never shared a secret. Her lips were zipped.
I know. I shook her a few times, trying to get a few tidbits out of her. She was a tough interrogation, but she never divulged any secrets she shared with her best friend.
Mama will never know how much I appreciated her over the years. When I could not comfort my son, I knew I could find Mama and stuff her into His arms and he would soon be better. Many a night, I saw him nod off to sleep holding her safely in his arms. Many a time in the car, I glanced back in the mirror to see Matthew asleep using Mama as a pillow.
Your child may have a comfort animal or blanket that he wants to have With him at all times. It may seem childish to you, but it’s important that you allow your children to keep those critters nearby, especially during trying times. Grieving is always easier with a friend nearby. Friends that never speak make great listeners.
They will grow out of it. At worst, you may have to pry it out of his Arms when he goes to college.
I recently found Mama sitting in a dark closet in my son’s room, Covered with books and board games. I pulled her out and gave her a new home. I debated whether to put her on Matt’s windowsill, where she could feel the warm sunshine every day, or on his bed, her traditional spot.
I settled on his bed. Mama was home again. The only thing missing is The little boy. He grew up and moved out of the house.
Doug Mead has been a single parent for 11 years. You can e-mail him At doug@parentingsolo.com.
posted by parentingsolo @ 5:07 PM
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